We live in a go, go, go, interconnected world where at any one moment you can log onto the social media feeds of anyone and begin to compare yourself and ‘benchmark’ how you’re doing compared to others. In this society, it’s not hard to feel like you are ‘behind.’ But what if I told you you couldn’t actually be behind? I know that your thoughts often lead you to believe that who you are is defined by where you are in your life, your work, your relationships, or your relationship with your bigger purpose… It’s a prevalent trap we all fall into at times. But what if I told you that you weren’t actually behind? Stick with me…
Where The “Behind” Feeling Comes From
This feeling or worry of being ‘behind’ is rampant in our society because it’s ingrained in so much we do, like:
- Social media – which literally is built to fuel comparisons
- Societal Expectations * Timelines – Depending on where you grew up, you likely have certain ‘benchmarks’ in your mind of the age you ‘should’ be when you do certain things like buy a house, get married or have a child. This can manifest into milestone anxiety, aka the pressure you feel to meet specific milestones at certain times.
- Looking at progress as something that is linear or only measured by clear and visible outcomes
The feeling of ‘being behind’ can also arise when we are burned out or approaching burnout.
Bottom line: our capitalist society and social media want you to feel behind so that you consume and buy more.
Progress Isn’t Always Visible
Focusing on specific milestones or outcomes with fixed expiration dates is one of the biggest drivers of this sense of being behind. We tend to focus on the shiny visible metrics of ‘progress’… the outcomes. We think that we have to have something to show for our progress – something physical and concrete like the shiny job, the beautiful home, the “perfect relationship.”
But what about the less visible elements of ‘progress’ like…
- How far you’ve come in your relationship with yourself, your mental health and emotions like anxiety or depression and how well you manage these now
- The skill set you have developed over the years, even amid the ‘trials and errors.’
- The integration work you’ve been doing to develop as a person
- Your diligence in caring for yourself by fostering a solid work/life balance
Rest, clarity and identity shifts are all part of a forward movement. Even if it feels like you’re behind, when you zoom in on these less visible elements, you may see how much you have grown. I believe there’s no way you can be ‘behind’ in your own life so long as you are being intentional about measuring the right things.
A New Way to Measure Where You Are
The key to shifting your perspective is to zoom out from others around you and instead zoom in on yourself, comparing yourself only to past versions of you to see your progress.
As a human design informed coach, something that I often tell my clients that really relieves the tendency to compare ourselves to others is this: when you compare yourself to others, you are really comparing apples to oranges. We each have our own unique energetic flow, skill set, capacity, and set of gifts. When you compare yourself even unconsciously to someone else, you’re not being fair to yourself. You don’t know what that person really looks like on a human design level, and what their own capacity and gifts are! It’s freeing to realize you were never meant to compare yourself to others.
The tendency to continually compare yourself to others is what creates the feeling of being behind.
Some things you can ask yourself when you’re tempted to consider if you are “behind” or “on track” are:
- What is the story I am telling myself right now?
- Do I feel like I am being true to myself?
- Do I feel clear on what does not fit for me?
- Am I respecting my energetic capacity?
Grounding in your unique human design type and authority allows you to do this from a holistic, energetic perspective.
Embracing Your Timing
I used to be the queen of rushing… to be honest, if I’m not aware, I still tend to rush. As someone who identified as a perfectionist for years, I became hooked on the feeling of being ‘productive.’
But here’s the thing: when we rush, we tend to either make mistakes or act unconsciously rather than intentionally. Rushing can create more ‘detours’ and ‘delays’ than if you’d just moved at your own pace.
Additionally, sometimes we just get a funky feeling like this sense of behindness, and by not attaching to it and trusting that it will pass, it is also a very mindful way to detach from the power of this feeling.
The feeling of being behind is ingrained in our society. Remember, when you zoom out from continually measuring your worth and value based on what others are doing, you miss out on all the beautiful progress you have made. Zoom in on you and your own journey by deeply attuning to your human design.
Attune To Your Rhythm and Timing
Embracing your human design helps you better understand your capacity, gifts, and strengths, enabling you to move at an aligned pace and reduce your tendency to compare yourself to others. In this free guide, I show you how to look up your human design and what your particular design really means about you. Get the guide now.
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