So you’ve started a personal development journey… congratulations! The first thing to know is that this journey has no single path or route… just your route. A major misconception of personal development is that you follow a set of sequential steps to reach your ‘highest self.’ While some tips and techniques work well for some to connect to their higher self, those tools may not be right for your toolbox. This introduces the first tip in today’s discussion on starting a personal development journey…
#1: Adopt a ‘Toolbox’ Approach
When you embark on a personal development journey, it’s easy to get lost in the search for one tool after the other without really taking the time to consider what tools and techniques are right for you and your life. Take the time to explore various tools and techniques and when you find something that piques your curiosity, allow yourself to play with that tool for long enough to really refine it for your personal toolbox.
Begin to envision that you’re creating your own toolbox of tools that are unique to you. Sometimes you will use one tool daily, whereas others may lay in your toolbox for a while before you use them again.
The best part is that as you continue along your journey, you will build this set of tools unique to you that you can reference whenever you need them.
Here are some ‘tools’ that I recommend to new clients:
- journaling – either freely or guided
- meditation
- inquiring into our thoughts rather than believing them
- oracle cards
- gentle and compassionate self talk
- mirror work
- affirmations + mantras
#2: Be Mindful of the “All-or-Nothing” Spiral
When experimenting with adding new habits to your life in your personal development journey, avoid getting caught in the all-or-nothing thinking that happens to many of us sensitive and perfectionistic souls.
This looks like saying “I’m going to journal EVERY day” and then when you miss a day, you decide to abandon the new intention altogether rather than seeing a chance to begin again and treat each day anew.
The goal of this tip is simply to raise awareness when you’re falling into an all-or-nothing thinking trap and to mindfully remind yourself that it doesn’t have to be this way (and actually life is never really this way!). Take it a step further by practicing mindfully sitting with the discomfort that arises from this allowing for things to not always be ‘perfect,’ and remind yourself that what is ‘perfect’ is completely subjective – what’s ‘perfect’ to you may not be what is ‘perfect’ to me!
#3: Focus on YOUR Journey
Even though you have found a journey that feels good to you, avoid trying to convince others that they have to be doing things the way you are. Not everyone is on the same journey or timeline, and while you may be in a period of deep self-growth and improvement, others may not be in the same place.
The only helpful journey to focus on is yours – because that’s where you see tangible progress and growth. Otherwise, you’re unfairly (to both yourself and the other) comparing yourself.
Just think of it like this: when you’re comparing yourself to others, it’s like comparing apples to oranges. Even if you’re comparing yourself to your best friend in the world, you don’t know their thoughts, experiences or beliefs intimately. The only journey worth focusing on and comparing to is you to past versions of you.
#4: Treat Yourself Like a Best Friend
There is only one person that you will spend the entirety of your life with; yourself. So why not become your own best friend? It makes so much sense to be our own best friend, yet we’re often hardest on ourselves.
This isn’t about reaching a linear destination but rather about taking intentional steps to start treating yourself with deep compassion and love. For example, the way you speak about yourself. When you are caught in a negative self-view thought pattern that is actively making you feel bad consider: “Would I say that to my best friend?” and if the answer is no, consider why you would then treat yourself that way.
You’re setting the standard for how others will treat you based on how you treat yourself.
#5: Develop a Self Study Practice
Even if I weren’t a coach, I would still have a daily self-study practice where I read a book that challenges my mind’s thoughts. I recommend that you take the time to study with books and resources that inspire you. Don’t just read the book, but actually write some notes on what you learn about yourself throughout to integrate the experience.
Even if you just have 5 moments a day – it’s enough to make an impact.
Other forms of self-study can involve journaling and meditation, amongst other tools you may adopt along your own personal development journey.
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