With May being Mental Health Awareness Month, I feel there’s no better time than to dedicate a full blog post to the big A… ANXIETY. This post is dedicated to anxiety, normalizing therapy, and providing mental health resources. Keep in mind that this is all based on what’s worked for me, what’s true of my experience, what’s influenced my work as a mindset coach, and some additional research. None of this is meant to be taken as a substitute for therapy and mental health intervention.
Content trigger warnings: anxiety, eating disorder, trauma, fire
Anxiety Origins
Anxiety began to be studied about 2,000 years ago in ancient Greco-Roman society… so it’s clearly been an identifiable part of our human experience since the days of modern thought and philosophy.
That said, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that it took FAR longer than that for anxiety to be really recognized as something that was actually treatable, rather than being something that separated or confined people (such as the age of the asylum). It wasn’t until the 1960s that ‘therapy’ as we know it today began to take form, like the in the form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which still remains one of the most frequently used treatments for anxiety.
If you’re curious about the history of anxiety and its’ treatments, you may enjoy this peer-reviewed article I found on the topic.
But for now, I’m going to invite you into a few chapters of my anxiety story. I personally find it really empowering, normalizing and validating to read about others’ experiences, so I hope that this story provides you with the same feeling. Take what serves you, leave behind what doesn’t, and feel free to ask me any questions in the comments!
My Anxiety Story…
Chapter 1: The Scarlet Letter… A
Okay, I had to get cheeky. But seriously, that’s how it felt to be an anxious child in the late 90s. I felt like there was this part of me I had to keep secret or keep in check so as not to alienate the full-loving friends around me. Ever since age 8, upon being diagnosed with general anxiety disorder with obsessive-compulsive tendencies – and beginning therapy… I wore the ‘scarlet letter…’ Shame survives when we keep things hidden and in the dark.
With my first therapist, we did allllot of CBT: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It’s a very structured approach and was extremely beneficial to me at that young age, especially as I healed from severe phobias that were manifesting in anxiety. But as I grew into my adolescence, I just couldn’t relate to anything my therapist shared with me anymore, which taught me some valuable lessons: never be afraid to switch around and try different therapists. And it’s ABSOLUTELY normal and okay to outgrow a certain modality, approach, or therapist!
Around age 13 I began to use food and exercise and the control thereof as a coping mechanism for anxiety and developed anorexia nervosa. I didn’t even realize at the time that this was attached to anxiety and I am grateful that I was able to receive treatment for it, though it did remain a shadow throughout many years that followed. It was a breeding ground for a deep sense of ‘not enoughness’ that would continue to manifest for many years (and still remains to be a core ‘belief’ I actively have to rewire and work through even now on tough days)
Chapter 2: The Burnout
I did it all just like I thought I was supposed to. Sailed through high school with good grades while still maintaining an active social life and part-time job. I went to and graduated from my dream university that was often referred to as the “Ivy League of Canada.”. I got a fancy corporate marketing job… sounds great right?
But I lost myself—lost myself in the continual need to do, strive, and prove—to soothe my anxiety with productivity. I lost my creative spirit and essence, feeling like every idea I brought forth at work was either shot down or taken without credit. Continually going above and beyond and over extending myself until the point where I had nothing left to give. I began having daily panic attacks at the thought of going to work, having to take cry breaks in the bathroom at the office, running home from the bus stop so I could break down in private. It was terrible. I burnt out—not just the needs-a-weekend-away kind of burnout, but the clinical, doctor writes you a note that you can’t work kind of burnout. It opened my eyes that something had to change.
And that’s when I met my current therapist – and started my own business so I could honour my mental wellness, serve clients I was delighted to work with, and have infinite creative freedom.
Chapter 3: I am not defined by anxiety
In a session with my therapist recently, I shared with her that there was something she said to me early on in our work together that changed my life’s trajectory. In one of our early sessions, she caught me continually saying, “I can’t do that because of MY anxiety,” or “MY anxiety means that I’ll never be able to…”
She brought my awareness to the fact that I kept talking about anxiety like it was part of me. Something that was defining me. Something that I was claiming as my own. She helped me make the life-changing switch of no longer identifying with the ‘diagnosis’ and instead seeing that anxiety is something I tend to experience.
If you don’t struggle with anxiety yourself, this may not seem like a huge shift. But so many of us identify with these types of things rather than keeping this important and healthy distance of recognizing that it does not define you. Taking this space and creating this boundary is one of the greatest things you can do for your own healing.
Chapter 4: Life-Shattering Trauma Tests
I had come to a pretty solid place in my own healing journey, set better boundaries in all areas of my life, and was seeing some success in my business when the big T came… TRAUMA.
May 2022 my sweet little family and I survived a house fire, losing almost everything and finding ourselves deeply traumatized. In the days that followed, I could barely eat, sleep or complete other basic functions I needed to survive. In the weeks that followed, I couldn’t sleep without waking in the night, finding myself immersed in a replay of the fire… over and over again. This mental torture finally illuminated me to the painful experience of PTSD. I’m grateful I received therapeutic help to navigate through this trauma, but still, every spring since, my body remembers. Trauma lives in the body. And even with healing, I still remember – and want to really emphasize that part of the trauma healing journey.
What followed the fire was the toughest 18 months of my life, with a near death family experience, illness and deep pain. I struggled to find meaning at times, but at others I saw something clear: I am able to hold so much now, for myself and for others. This journey I’ve been on makes me deeply empathetic to others, and for that I’m incredibly grateful.
It allows me to be an empathetic, deep space holder for others.
I’m here, no longer defined or tethered by anxiety, though I do still experience anxiety – this is normal! It’s unrealistic and unfair to ever expect yourself to banish something like this from your life. Instead of exiling or succombing to it, how can you accept it and work with yourself rather than against yourself?
Remember:
- You have survived every single one of your hard days
- Your ‘condition,’ ‘disorder’ or ‘diagnosis’ does not define you *
- Your PAST doesn’t define you… all you have is NOW*
- YOU are the only one who has been with you on every one of those days… you have the ability to be your own best friend, so treat yourself as such.
* please understand this is said with deep encouragement and empathy, not at all trying to reduce or diminish what you experience or live through.
It’s a beautiful sign of healing and strength that I tell you this story with absolutely zero feelings of shame, where there used to be a compulsion to hide this part of my story away.
(by the way, friend…anxiety, or any other mental health condition is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of… AND it doesn’t define you)
Keep in mind, this is a highly fast-forwarded and high level recap of over 20 years of healing. I still have days that feel messy and chaotic. I still feel more anxious some days than others. ALL of that is normal. ALL of you is valid.
Mental Health Resources:
- I found my current (and soulmate) therapist on Psychology Today‘s find a therapist database which allowed me to easily explore a range of practitioners to select the one that best suited me. I am in no way associated or affiliatedwith them either – just think it’s a fantastic tool
- Canadian Mental Health Association
- Get Help: Mental Health Phone Numbers and Immediate Resources (Canada)
- Get Help: National Institute of Mental Health (USA)
- Where to Get Urgent Mental Health Help (UK)
My Writings + Blog Posts That Could Support You Now…
Again, none of these are made to substitute real mental health care and interventions. But these resources are designed to inspire you, promote self love and healing, and support your mindset.
5 Ways To Practice Self Care When Anxiety Hits
8 Tips and Tools for Gentle Self Healing
7 Healthy & Productive Habits For a More Positive Mindset
*This article does not constitute medical or professional advice and is meant to provide gentle accompaniments to support you on your journey of self-healing – not to replace the healing support you may also require at this stage in your journey (such as counselling or therapeutic interventions)
I also speak from personal experience when I say there are periods of healing when self-healing isn’t enough – and there’s so much beauty and strength in recognizing when it’s time to ask for help. As someone who has proudly been going to therapy for 20 years, I highly recommend seeking support during serious life challenges.
Journal for Anxiety
I journal at least once a day, and truly it’s one of the best things for working through anxiety for me personally. Something about putting pen to paper, and actually taking the thoughts out of my mind and onto paper just does it for me. And keeping my hands busy also helps me when I’m caught up in my head.
If you’re new to journaling or looking to expand your practice, go ahead and download my free digital journal filled with over 70 prompts that will help you build your resilient mindset as you develop your journaling practice!
